Reaping benefits of helping yourself
I spoke to my publisher today and my book is on deck for sometime in May/June 2007.
This entire progress has been tiring and I have gone through many "changes" so to speak. As this two-year odyssey of writing and publishing my first book comes to an end, I am been having a few epiphanies. These epiphanies are also because of the recent passage of the anti-marriage equality amendment in my state of South Carolina, something I fought to prevent.
While I have been writing this book, I have received some support from those who understand why a book like this is important.
Unfortunately, there have also been some who cannot understand why the gay community needs to chart and record the distortions of the anti-gay industry. This is the set of people I like to call "old school."
When I say "old school," I mean those activists who think that anything that causes attention to our cause is a good thing. They seem to be stuck in past, where tactics of direct action was appropriate. During those times, loudly bringing attention to our causes was needed.
But now is the time for pragmatism and planning, building our base, and giving our community spiritual and psychological boosts against the slings and arrows of ignorance some throw against us.
It is also time that we distinguish between the purveyors of anti-gay propaganda and those who fall for their lies. We should confront people like Lou Sheldon and organizations like Focus on the Family with dignity and control of our image. Our fight is not against those who think that homosexuality is a sin, but with those who exploit those beliefs.
With that in mind, the following is a draft of the back cover of my upcoming book. Feel free to tell me what you think:
Why do the Traditional Values Coalition continue to use studies against the gay community that it has acknowledged as being incorrect?
Why did Robert Knight, James Kennedy, and other religious conservatives cite a Netherlands study to make the case against same sex marriage even though the study had nothing to do with marriage at all?
Why do religious conservative pundits continue to claim that gay men have short line spans, even though their claim has been refuted several times, including by the originators of a study they continue to cite?
Why have several researchers and professors gone on record claiming that religious conservatives either distort their original work or take their findings out of context?
Why do religious conservative groups continue to cite the work of Paul Cameron, even though he has been censured and rebuked by several legitimate organizations including the American Psychological Association?
In their attempts to prove the worst about the gay community, so-called “pro-family” groups have created a house of pseudo-scientific studies made up of distortions, lies, and legitimate studies taken out of context.
These studies are then pushed by fake experts and Ph.D.s and repeated by conservative columnists and ignorant people of faith all willing to sacrifice their integrity on the altar of an alleged higher calling.
For the very first time, a book analyzes these deceptive tactics of Concerned Women for America, the Traditional Values Coalition, the American Family Association, and other so-called “pro family” groups as they not only demonize the American gay community but exploit the beliefs of people of faith.
It would be worth mentioning somehow that many of those working in the "sexuality" field as experts for the religious right have Phd's in competely unrelated fields like Divinity, or economics. WHy are they considering experts in a field they were not trained in?
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that in the wake of so many men in high profile positions, including very conservative members of the clergy that have been “outed” as of late, that condemning homosexuality that these “Holy Bullies” attempt to do does not work and never will obviously in preventing or stopping homosexual behavior. All they need do is look around at those that are in their midst that are just hiding behind these trumped up studies that would want us to think otherwise. The ones that shout the loudest against us are so often, as WE all know, the ones that are hiding. For this reason I believe it is high time that the phenomenon of “the closet” needs to be addressed and understood. I believe it is essential to discuss “the closet” to provide the necessary context from which to view some of these scandals. The closet, meaning the emotional place where people hide their true sexual orientation from others, whether one is a man or woman. Particularly now however I am speaking of men at this time because I believe men use the closet even more often than woman because of societies more narrow view and expectations of what behaviors are considered acceptable and “normal” for men. This discussion needs to be civilized, our knee jerk reactions and judgments held in check. We need to discuss this subject with compassion because there is a lot of emotional pain involved in living in the closet. We have to discuss this with a very sincere desire to try and understand why so many men are seemingly suddenly becoming gay. Of course this is an impression to some but far frin the truth. These men have been living extremely lonely double lives, riddled with guilt in “the closet”. Woman can be tomboys much easier than men can be sissies. Of course not all gay men are effeminate by a long shot but that is a stereotypical image of gay men and therefore many men attempt to cover up any behaviors they may have and believe may bring unwanted suspicion onto them. Therefore men, whether they be gay or straight, will practice stereotypical masculine behaviors to thwart any suspicion out of fear and/or necessity. This is especially true if they feel pressure to do so to protect their careers, career advancement, fear of social denunciation or they have difficulties reconciling their religious views with their natural inner feelings and same sex attractions etc. These are however the most common reasons for men to join the astounding numbers of other men that are also hiding in the closet.
ReplyDeleteThe fear of being discovered can be enormous and absolutely terrifying. These men will often then do whatever they believe society expects from them. They will marry and have children out of desperation in an always unsuccessful attempt at suppressing these natural longings and hoping that they will eventually go away. Since we have very conservative members of the clergy who are also unable to control these powerful inner urgings we perhaps need to at least try and understand these powerful feelings of attraction that we all know very well and have all experienced ourselves whether toward the same sex or the opposite sex, it’s all still the same. To Gays these attractions feel perfectly normal and are. Would we rather they try and unsuccessfully continue to hide by getting married and have homosexual secret liaisons with men and feel terrible guilt in doing so. They will do their very best to compartmentalize their lives the best that they can. However I believe and have found while researching my book that the longer one stays in the closet the more damage is done. It is generally very difficult to compartmentalize ones life for long without some emotional problems begin developing in varying degrees and manifesting in a variety of ways. Many closeted men develop coping mechanisms such as addictive behaviors of all sorts whether they are alcoholism, prescription or non prescription drug abuse. They may develop addictions to pornography, sexual addiction or other self-destructive ways of acting out. Once again unfortunately the longer one stays in the closet there will then also generally be more victims because of their closeted lifestyle choice. This is the only place where the word choice can be used correctly within the context of this subject. They can either “choose” to live in the closet or “choose” to live out their truth of who they really are. The victims may be their wives and children, their friends, parents and siblings. All feeling like they have been betrayed and deceived when the closeted individuals true nature is discovered as it was for ex-governor of New Jersey, Mr. McGreevy, ex-congressmen Foley and now the president of the Evangelicals, to name just a few of the staggering number of men that have also been hiding their true selves. I feel very sad for the victims as well as I very much understand the humiliation, despair, and profound depression that the closeted individual feels that soon follows once that door to the closet is flung open. For some, the shame and fear is just too unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ending their unbearable pain and shame.
Society needs to take some responsibility with this matter of the closet by being more accepting of alternative lifestyles. Without the closet, try and imagine how much less pain many people and families would have to endure. Not only the ones that feel that living in the closet is their only alternative, but for the victims that find themselves feeling betrayed and the breaking up of families that soon follows. We as a culture have some soul searching to do on this matter and not be so self-righteous. There are a variety of ways of loving and living. We need to accept the fact, that which seems to be normal for some is not necessarily normal for all. However, as I said the closet can cause deep and very troubling emotional problems that can eventually manifest in abhorrent behaviors. However, because there is still such a stigma surrounding issues of sexuality yet in this day and age in our rather hypocritical puritanical society, cause many gays not to seek help concerning issues they may be struggling with from the appropriate professionals. I generally do not recommend clergy because it can cause further damage due to their religious agendas which can deepen one's guilt, shame and depression. This is a very complicated issue that society has to become more compassionate about or we will continue to shame many people with same sex attractions enough that will continue to inhibit many from being true to themselves from the beginning or it may prevent them from seeking the appropriate help for any specific personal issues in which they may be struggling with.
Thank you, Aaron Fennville, Mi 49408 www.aaronjasonsilver.com