It's Tuesday - oh boy

Well it's Tuesday and I'm all alone.

My mother has gone to Pennsylvania to participate in my uncle's wedding. That leaves me home alone until Monday. This means that I can indulge in two of my favorite guilty pleasures - butter almond ice cream and porn.

Just kidding. Butter almond ice cream is so fattening.

Seriously though, last week I alluded to the fact that I can no longer link from One News Now. Is it just me or does the site see me as a hinderance to their message?

My linkage now takes one to a Rick Astley video on Youtube. But the joke is on One News Now. I happen to like Rick Astley.

Redhaired men are my weakness.

Who am I kidding? Men with a pulse are my weakness.

However I won't be using this time alone to catch up on my quota. And when I say quota, I mean the following - according to the anti-gay industry, gay men have over 500 partners a year . . . or is it 1,000 partners in a lifetime . . . or is it 1,500 partners on Judy Garland's birthday.

Really though, just who is so damned egotistical to count sexual partners? And just what is the criteria for an official sex act. Does heavy petting count?

More importantly, why can't I find any of those slutty gay guys?

Whatever the case may be, I am waaaay behind on the quota. If I don't get some soon, then national headquarters is going to come and get me for re-education.

From what I understand, it involves being locked in a small room somewhere in the Castro and being forced to watch Barbara Streisand movies for 48 hours.

And not the good ones but the ones she made when she was blatant about wanting the Oscar for Best Director.

Something that I haven't talked about is the American Family Association's boycott of McDonalds.

Apparently because McDonalds donated $20,000 to the Gay and Lesbian National Chamber of Commerce and because the company has the audacity to protect its employees against discrimination, Donald Wildmon and that bunch has branded it public enemy number one.

You know the vernacular - "McDonalds has signed on to the radical homosexual agenda." "McDonalds is no longer for families." "Ronald McDonald and Grimace are secret lovers."

Well McDonalds has gained a loyal customer because of the boycott - yours truly.

Lastly, if you all are still here and not thinking that I am insane, I want to let you in on something that I realized last week.

Some members of U.S. Senate are pushing for that dreary marriage amendment. Not only that, but two of the sponsors are Larry "wide stance in the toilet" Craig and David "hey, prostitutes need to pay the bills too" Vitter.

Craig is a hot mess himself but doesn't the fact that Vitter is sponsoring this bill goes to prove that a lot of the things the anti-gay industry says about gay men aren't true?

They like to claim that we have so much anal sex that we end up wearing diapers.

If this was the case, then wouldn't Vitter be our ally, with his love of diapers and all?

Think about it.

And hopefully by tomorrow, I will be in a normal frame of mind.