You want pity because of Maine? You won't be getting it from me

We lost in Maine but I don't view it as a total defeat.

I know that we have a reason to be angry. The opposition lied, they stooped to underhanded tactics. They used the time honored false implication of "the gays are after America's children."

But in 2004, we lost a multitude of anti-gay marriage votes by double digits and the momentum was totally against us.

Last night, while we did not get all that we wanted in Maine, it was very close.

In these votes over marriage equality, the opposition may have crossed the finishing line before we did 31 times but every time we get just a little closer.

And let's not forget that we won in basic non-discrimination rights in Kalamazoo (despite the lies about the transgendered community and bathrooms) and continue to hold the lead in Washington state, which expands the rights of same-sex couples.

Not to mention that we now have an openly gay mayor in Chapel Hill, NC.

Unfortunately, all of the sadness and hyperbole will be directed towards Maine, which like a sponge will soak up all of the attention; some of it totally undeserved.

Sorry if I sound too pragmatic for some but I live in South Carolina, the state that is never on the radar regarding lgbt rights.

The lgbt community here have had the wolf at our door so many times that we could sue him for non-support.

I know the lesson not giving up when things look down and everyone has written you off.

So basically, I break it down to the following:

Forget the crap about Maine being supposedly independent and progressive because the fact of the matter is that marriage equality is still a murky issue which confuses and scares a lot of people, lgbts included.

And there is still enough uneasiness about what it could mean for the schools and children for religious right groups to exploit.

That is the reality and no amount of hand wringing or grousing about how we are "second class citizens" (and I really hate the tendency of my community to grab a catchphrase and use it to death) is going to change this fact.

But the landscape is changing. The more America sees lgbt couples, the more America sees lgbt families, and the more open and out we are, the more opportunistic charlatans like Maggie Gallagher, Brian Brown, and the rest of the "we need to protect marriage" crowd will be seen for what they are - silly clowns repeating silly catchphrases rooted in scare tactics and phony victimology of being called a "bigot."

The momentum still remains with us.

So I'm truly sorry for the folks who feel that last night was a total loss, who feel that last night is another excuse to sit in front of their computers, engage in pity parties, bring up fond memories of past street protests, or go so far as to make ignorant comments about the physical features of the opponents of equality.

Because I refuse to view last night as a loss. Any time that we can stand up and fight and educate people about our rights is never a loss.

A good fight was fought by many people and instead of contemplating about what we didn't get, why don't we take time out of our day to commend those who devoted time and effort to the cause.

The campaign workers, the volunteers, the bloggers - everyone who worked their tail off in pursuit of our equality deserve our praise and our thanks instead of the self-cannibalization that's sure to come. They deserve a big thank you instead of "see, I told you so," or "if I had run the campaign, I would have . . ."

So what do we do now that this election is over?

We continue to work for our rights and not just the right of marriage equality.

Despite the tendency of our opponents to make grand prognostications, our spirits may be diminished just a little but our backs aren't broken.

The round may have been lost, but the fight isn't over yet.

View last night as a teaching lesson.

Lgbts gaining full equality, including marriage equality, will probably be at times slow and tedious, tiring and time consuming.

There is no place for slackers or armchair warriors or those who get easily tired and discouraged.

If lgbt equality is to be achieved, it's going to have to be via sweat and toil.

There is no other choice.

There is no other alternative.

There will be no deux ex machina descending from the sky making everything right.

There will be no addendums or loopholes.

It's a job that will have to accomplished the hard way because there is no other way.