What Pride celebrations are, what they should always be about, and what they should never allow themselves to become

Attendees of the 2014 SC Pride celebration enjoy the festivities.

In the LGBTQ community, there has been a huge discussion/debate about our Pride celebrations. Some folks think they have become stale and should be more controversial and in-your-face, so to speak. They feel that things are too corporate and too "family-friendly."

To me, Pride has nothing to do with being controversial simply for the sake of controversy. We don't need to worry about that because in spite of all we have achieved, the idea of same-gender loving people, transgender people, and folks who generally don't fit the paradigm of traditional roles in gender and sexual orientation ( non-binary folks, asexual folks, and pansexual folks) being open and unashamed about who they are is still a controversial concept to many.

In terms of corporate sponsorship of Pride, I see both the good and bad in the idea. But the one issue I simply cannot see both sides of is the complaint that maybe Pride is too "family-friendly." What's wrong with being family-friendly?  I understand that some people have a concept of being LGBTQ which puts them as some sort of a rebel against what they call a "heteronormative idea" of society. They frown on the idea of LGBTQ people having what they assume are traditional roles - i.e. a married life with a stereotypical white-picket fence and children with the only thing being different from the man/wife dynamic is that ours doesn't involve a man and a woman. And then don't even get me started with the "gay means sexual rebellion" folks. I will leave that alone for now and tell you what I know. 

Prides are different all over the country. Our individual Prides should reflect our individual communities, not one idea of a homogenized LGBTQ community and certainly not some false "in-your-face just to be in-your-face" idea. 

Down here in South Carolina, our Pride is family-friendly because we have a good number of LGBTQ people - couples and single parents -raising children. We are less in-your-face controversial and more of fellowshipping, educating, and meeting new friends. We love our swag which does from corporate booths and the petting zoos, bookmobiles, bouncy castles, and free prizes which come with our family-friendly, child-friendly ambience.

Are we less LGBTQ? Should we sacrifice the manner which works in our individual community? Of course not. This is not to say that we are repressed or that someone runs around at our Pride chastising people for so-called offense like being sparsely dressed or handing out condoms in front of the children in attendance.  But how we conduct Pride celebrations in South Carolina should be respected for what works in our community instead of maybe being looked down upon like a defect. And that goes for how Pride celebrations are conducted in other parts of the country. They reflect the diversity which make up the LGBTQ community.

All in all, this discussion/debate about what Pride celebrations should be strikes me as a time waster. It takes much needed attention away from what is truly important about Pride. 

Pride is not about intentionally being controversial any more than it should be about begging for "tolerance" from heterosexual audiences. It certainly shouldn't be about attempting to be respectful for the sake of not riling up the populace, but it also shouldn't be about some big mindless fest of lurid nonsense just to piss off the overly religious.

Pride should be about us. Ourselves, our friends, family, allies, our elderly LGBTQ people. and mostly our children. Back in the day when I was slowly coming out, my biggest problem was how I was pushed and prodded by both sides. I was condemned by the homophobes, while my supposed LGBTQ mates and allies didn't give me any support. It was always do this, do that. Be this way. Be that way. Who cares what you think. We will tell you how to behave and you will do what we say. No you can't have these things because we have decided who you are and will dictate to you what your life will be. You have no choice in the matter. We have decided your life for you.

The constant barrage unfortunately came from both sides and Pride should always be the opposite of this. It's about showing those in our community - especially our young - that there is nothing wrong with them. That no one has a right to dictate to them how they should be. That the world is full of endless possibilities and no one has the right to deny them those possibilities. It's about reminding them that they have every right to choose which path they desire, no matter if it's one of a rebel or one which ends at a white picket fence, one partner and 2.5 children. It's about honoring our history, acknowledging how the work of our community back then made us what we are now. And then embracing the diversity which comes with that change.

Above all, Pride is about giving empowerment and the tools of self-determination. But what it should never be about is control.