Random thoughts of a crazy gay black man walking

I have finally flipped, gone insane, reached my last straw, am now at the point of no return.

In short, I am pissed off to the highest levels of pissivity.

And it's all Terrell Carter's fault.

Terrell Carter is an actor who has appeared in several of Tyler Perry's Madea plays. And he has been outed by an angry ex-boyfriend.

With all of the other stuff going on in the world, one would ask why does this thing bother me so much?

Because it is the last straw that has caused my mind to snap.

In the predominantly white gay community, Terrell Carter really doesn't represent anything. If Carter was white, someone like Perez Hilton would be all over this situation.

But in the black community, it means more whispering, more clandestine talking behind closed doors, and more hypocrisy.

I've had my fill of heterosexual black folks who will complain about the supposed gay lifestyle being pushed in their faces while at the same time engaging in gossip about "friends" whom they know are lgbt.

Come to think of it, I've had my fill of it all. I'm tired.

I'm tired of the stupid explanations that some heterosexual black folks have for ignoring the needs of their own family members who happen to be lgbt. This idea that gays and blacks are two separate entities is a lie. Everyone in the black community has a "cousin Pookie." Hell, I'm cousin Pookie and I still got seven other "cousin Pookies." You think we don't have relationships and families that need protecting? The world don't revolve around you and your "baby mama" or "baby daddy."

I'm tired of people like bottom feeding anti-gay pastor Harry Jackson getting valuable to face time on television and in columns to rail against gay folks while lgbts of color don't get any attention.

That is unless they decide to become a puppet in the gays vs. blacks nonsense that sprung up after the Proposition 8 vote like a certain lesbian columnist (Jasmyne Cannick - whose writings I adored and agreed with to a point until the strings pulling her arms became unbearably visible).

I'm tired of the black gospel music community. That's right, I said it and I'm not taking it back. Let's be honest about the black gospel music community. It's the African-American version of San Francisco with much more clothing and less openness.

If you want to know where the majority of lgbts of color populate, check the black gospel music community. And to the African-Americans who are reading this, don't act shocked. You know this as well as me.

And I am tired of the black church, period. I'm tired of seeing the black church, once the bastion of the oppressed, become changed by money and status. I'm tired of seeing the black church rail against lgbts via the same Bible that was used to oppress it not that long ago.

And most of all, I'm tired of ministers who will wear $300 suits, diamond rings, have their hair magnificently coiffed and stand in front of megachurches of 25,000 equally expensive dressed members and whine about "how the world hates them because they are servants of Christ." Meanwhile lgbt children are being kicked out of their homes on a daily basis into the cold streets to fend for themselves by their supposed sanctified mothers and fathers.

It certainly confuses me about the definition of hate.

And I have a question. Am I the only lgbt of color who feels this way? Sometimes I feel like I am. Am I the only one who gets angry at the intentional ignorance regarding how lgbts of color have shaped America? The intentional omission of us in all aspects of the black community by our black leaders? The pushing aside of our needs as members of the black community?

But hey, it doesn't matter. Let's talk about those Terrell Carter pictures for a while.