Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A day with a 'radical gay activist' and his plan to take over America

It's such a slow news day today that our friend Peter LaBarbera is recycling news from a week ago.

As such, it's very slow with me also. Therefore, let me tell you about my day.

After being told yet again that my royalty check from the third quarter did not arrive in the mail, I called my publisher. I had to call back several times before reaching someone who directed me to the sales department.

Apparently everyone was buying books so they have a shitload of royalty checks to mail out.

I put on my best impression of Alexis from Dynasty (even wearing my imitation chinchilla coat while talking on the phone) and let the person from sales know that I am not happy with the situation. She assured me that all is well and that I will also know (hopefully by next week) how many copies of my book that wholesellers, such as amazon.com, have bought.

I know that my publishing company, Xlibris, is reputable. They are affiliated with Random House and have a profile with the Better Business Bureau. I also know how slow it can be when it comes to royalty checks and all.

However, I feel it is necessary to give them the "ole needle" every now and then.

After that long conversation, I was tempted to reward my diligence with a impulse purchase at Best Buy. I really shouldn't have but the purchase was the WWE Royal Rumble Collection Volume 1.

Apparently, a kindergarten class took a trip to Best Buy before I arrived because the DVDs were in disarray. The sales lady had to go in the back to get me a copy of what I wanted.

While waiting on her, I was tempted to buy a copy of the movie "Who's Your Caddy." I hear it has a long nudity scene with three guys.

Yes, I am so scandalous that I will buy a $19.99 movie just to see someone's ass. Sue me, I don't have a boyfriend.

After leaving Best Buy, I went to Piggly Wiggly and stood in line for almost half an hour while sister girlfriend in front of me attempted to cash her check. Meanwhile, there were two other lines backed up because of slack jawed cashiers who didn't know what they were doing.

By the way, the manager was present through all of this. Don't quote me on it, but I think he was trying to buy a bootleg copy of something or another.

I kinda wished the other manager was present. He usually doesn't deal with such nonsense. And he has a big butt.

Sue me already. I like big butts and I cannot lie.

After spending time in line for so long that I felt as if I died and was doomed to spend eternity in a Soul Plane like movie, my turn finally came.

And I came home without incident. And I still have to design a poster for my book signing on December 13 (more on that when I am in a better mood).

The good news throughout all of this is that my book is still the number one gay/lesbian nonfiction book on amazon.ca (amazon.com's Canadian site).

So why have I told you all this long story?

Just something to remember the next time someone like James Dobson or Peter LaBarbera mentions about how us lgbts are making plans and plots to "undermine" American values.

My day sounds insidious don't it?

Someone alert the FBI!