Friday, July 12, 2013

Know Your LGBT History - Hit & Miss

For today's post of Know Your LGBT History, I am featuring an item which is not necessarily something in our historical past but something that I predict that will be remembered as noteworthy in the future.

I first read about Hit & Miss on Netflix, which features the first season.

It is a British television series which stars Oscar nominee Chloe Sevigny. According to Wikipedia:

Mia, a preoperative transsexual woman, works as a contract killer. She discovers that she fathered a son, Ryan, with her ex-girlfriend Wendy, who recently has died from cancer. Mia is named by the mother as guardian of the boy and his three half-siblings, who live in a rural farmhouse in Yorkshire. While continuing to work as an assassin, Mia learns to cope with being in a parental role.

In reading the plot, one feels that this show can dangerously cross the line as an insulting attack on the transgender community. But in viewing it, I beg to differ. It's not a comedy, but a rather complex and very good drama.  If you have Netflix, I suggest you take a look at it:


Past Know Your LGBT History Posts:

'New anti-gay smear campaign brands same-sex parenting as child abuse' and other Friday midday news briefs

 Conservatives’ New Smear Campaign: Same-Sex Parenting Is ‘Child Abuse’ - Think Progress adds excellent context to the post I wrote earlier today.

Listen up, class—Ms. Gallagher will now lead you in Boycotting Ethics 101 - The more Maggie Gallagher tries to lie in her defense of Orson Scott Cards's bigotry while attacking lgbts for boycotting him (even though her group, NOM, has started boycotts - i.e. Starbucks - the more she continues to dig the hole for Scott, herself, and NOM. To paraphrase President Obama in his second debate with Romney, "please proceed, Sister Maggie La La." 

Fox's Starnes Laments That The Military Doesn't Allow Anti-Gay Insubordination - In which Fox News propaganda artist Todd Starnes fails to turn a case of punished military insubordination into that of "anti-Christian persecution."  

Veterans Health Administration Takes Lead In Providing LGBT Healthcare - Excellent news!  

NOM doubles down with vicious attack on same-sex couples and their children

After the recent double loss at the Supreme Court, the National Organization for Marriage is doubling down on attacking same-sex families.

A post on its site is now spotlights a man who claims to have been raised in a same sex household, Robert Oscar Lopez.

That name should sound familiar with to you. Lopez was the same man who made the following unsubstantiated statement about gay suicide victim Tyler Clementi:

Clementi had so much experience with online hookups that he must have started them prior to turning eighteen. When he was a minor, it's probable that he had liaisons with men who were older than eighteen and committing statutory rape. Seen through this lens, society failed not in fostering homophobia, but rather in allowing a culture of abuse to flourish online." 

Jeremy Hooper at NOM Exposed has more information on Lopez:

This man is a conservative activist who has worked with NOM, who has testified against several marriage bills, who filed an amicus brief supporting Prop 8, and has made anti-LGBT activism the key to his public profile.  Incidentally (or not), Lopez came into public prominence at exactly the same time as Regnerus.  And while Lopez has at some points identified as bisexual (he is married to a woman), he is not a member of "the gay community."  This man—who, for added insight, has equated gay parents with "slavers buying children"—is an activist with a clear point of view and agenda.

It's not accidental that Lopez and NOM are now allies. Remember in 2012 when confidential documents from NOM outlined the organization's plans to play the gay and African-American communities against one another? Those documents also included a plan to find a child raised in a gay household to speak against marriage equality.

And it looks like NOM has its patsy and the lgbt community won't be doing itself any favors by ignoring this mess.

The following "glowing" biography of Lopez is from NOM's blog:

Bobby's Story

Prof. Robert Oscar Lopez who recently won his fight for tenure at the University of California, has emerged as a advocate for the rights of children raised by same-sex couples.

The single most effective statement I've every seen was Bobby's testimony before the Minnesota State legislature, on what it was like for him to grow up without a father, but instead with two moms:

On Tuesday Prof. Lopez decided to share more of his personal story, and why he refused to be cowed or silenced:
“We all have or had a father. He's not replaceable with another mother. Sorry, he just isn't.
If the father's not part of our lives growing up, we suffer. There is a vacuum there. Often we seek the missing father's love through means that become self-destructive: over-pleasing bosses or male authority figures, sleeping with older men, drinking, drugs, lousy friends, narcissism.”
For years Lopez endured this self-inflicted abuse, seeking gay relationships with older men. For years he would have been one of those young men who said growing up with two moms and no dad was just fine with him:
“For the vast majority of my life, I didn't think about fatherhood. I grew up without a father around, so it didn't matter to me. I not only had no examples of what a father did--I also didn't care that I had no such examples. In a way I felt like it was cool to have grown up with a lesbian mom and her partner. We were unique. The fact that my father showed little concern for me seemed liberating--it indicated to me that I could show little concern for others, and somewhere a woman or maybe two women could pick up the slack for me. There was a sense of satisfaction in me, as a teenager, knowing that I could leap into the gay life, have all the sex I wanted, and never have to worry about being a dad because I couldn't get anyone pregnant. The thought of being gay was fabulous to me back then, circa 1985. Sex, sex, sex, no kids to worry about. No sacrifices. Best of all, I'd be able to go through adult life never having to revisit the missing figure in my life--the father who wasn't there for me. I could distract myself endlessly from the necessary healing that I'd have to undertake.”
What changed Prof. Lopez life, by the grace of God, was a two-part miracle: falling in love with a woman, and having a child with her:
“My daughter was born and I loved her. I never had a moment of feeling anything toward her but love. But it became very clear, after my little girl was born, that there is a LOT more to being a parent than loving your kid. (This is where same-sex parenting advocates get it all wrong. Love is the least of your worries, the part that comes easiest. It's the duty to be a good parent that's tough.)
My wife didn't mince words; that's not her style. She told me point-blank I would have to be a good father to our daughter."  Change took time and came hard, and it was a choice: “I didn't like fixing things, giving up drinking, or having to stick around and teach my daughter the rules of life. It just wasn't my style.
I was, I realized, just like my dad. I didn't want to be bothered. I didn't feel like a child should cramp my style or impede any of the plans I'd set for my own life. I assumed that as long as I felt something I called love in my heart, I could treat fatherhood as a part-time, temporary job.”
While serving in the Army Reserve in Afghanistan, he realized one day he was hoping to be killed so his wife could collect the $500,000 insurance policy and support their child:
“It dawned on me that day in 2010. I was a piece of [excrement], and there was no excuse for what I was doing. Wanting to die on the battlefield so I could have my cake and eat it too, be called a hero while escaping the task of being a real dad, was lower than low.”
That's when he finally made the choice to take on the magnificent calling of fatherhood and husbandhood and put it at the center of his life.

To break the cycle, finally.

Men do this only when they know they are necessary and important, and cannot be replaced in their children's life.