Friday, July 12, 2013

NOM doubles down with vicious attack on same-sex couples and their children

After the recent double loss at the Supreme Court, the National Organization for Marriage is doubling down on attacking same-sex families.

A post on its site is now spotlights a man who claims to have been raised in a same sex household, Robert Oscar Lopez.

That name should sound familiar with to you. Lopez was the same man who made the following unsubstantiated statement about gay suicide victim Tyler Clementi:

Clementi had so much experience with online hookups that he must have started them prior to turning eighteen. When he was a minor, it's probable that he had liaisons with men who were older than eighteen and committing statutory rape. Seen through this lens, society failed not in fostering homophobia, but rather in allowing a culture of abuse to flourish online." 

Jeremy Hooper at NOM Exposed has more information on Lopez:

This man is a conservative activist who has worked with NOM, who has testified against several marriage bills, who filed an amicus brief supporting Prop 8, and has made anti-LGBT activism the key to his public profile.  Incidentally (or not), Lopez came into public prominence at exactly the same time as Regnerus.  And while Lopez has at some points identified as bisexual (he is married to a woman), he is not a member of "the gay community."  This man—who, for added insight, has equated gay parents with "slavers buying children"—is an activist with a clear point of view and agenda.

It's not accidental that Lopez and NOM are now allies. Remember in 2012 when confidential documents from NOM outlined the organization's plans to play the gay and African-American communities against one another? Those documents also included a plan to find a child raised in a gay household to speak against marriage equality.

And it looks like NOM has its patsy and the lgbt community won't be doing itself any favors by ignoring this mess.

The following "glowing" biography of Lopez is from NOM's blog:

Bobby's Story

Prof. Robert Oscar Lopez who recently won his fight for tenure at the University of California, has emerged as a advocate for the rights of children raised by same-sex couples.

The single most effective statement I've every seen was Bobby's testimony before the Minnesota State legislature, on what it was like for him to grow up without a father, but instead with two moms:

On Tuesday Prof. Lopez decided to share more of his personal story, and why he refused to be cowed or silenced:
“We all have or had a father. He's not replaceable with another mother. Sorry, he just isn't.
If the father's not part of our lives growing up, we suffer. There is a vacuum there. Often we seek the missing father's love through means that become self-destructive: over-pleasing bosses or male authority figures, sleeping with older men, drinking, drugs, lousy friends, narcissism.”
For years Lopez endured this self-inflicted abuse, seeking gay relationships with older men. For years he would have been one of those young men who said growing up with two moms and no dad was just fine with him:
“For the vast majority of my life, I didn't think about fatherhood. I grew up without a father around, so it didn't matter to me. I not only had no examples of what a father did--I also didn't care that I had no such examples. In a way I felt like it was cool to have grown up with a lesbian mom and her partner. We were unique. The fact that my father showed little concern for me seemed liberating--it indicated to me that I could show little concern for others, and somewhere a woman or maybe two women could pick up the slack for me. There was a sense of satisfaction in me, as a teenager, knowing that I could leap into the gay life, have all the sex I wanted, and never have to worry about being a dad because I couldn't get anyone pregnant. The thought of being gay was fabulous to me back then, circa 1985. Sex, sex, sex, no kids to worry about. No sacrifices. Best of all, I'd be able to go through adult life never having to revisit the missing figure in my life--the father who wasn't there for me. I could distract myself endlessly from the necessary healing that I'd have to undertake.”
What changed Prof. Lopez life, by the grace of God, was a two-part miracle: falling in love with a woman, and having a child with her:
“My daughter was born and I loved her. I never had a moment of feeling anything toward her but love. But it became very clear, after my little girl was born, that there is a LOT more to being a parent than loving your kid. (This is where same-sex parenting advocates get it all wrong. Love is the least of your worries, the part that comes easiest. It's the duty to be a good parent that's tough.)
My wife didn't mince words; that's not her style. She told me point-blank I would have to be a good father to our daughter."  Change took time and came hard, and it was a choice: “I didn't like fixing things, giving up drinking, or having to stick around and teach my daughter the rules of life. It just wasn't my style.
I was, I realized, just like my dad. I didn't want to be bothered. I didn't feel like a child should cramp my style or impede any of the plans I'd set for my own life. I assumed that as long as I felt something I called love in my heart, I could treat fatherhood as a part-time, temporary job.”
While serving in the Army Reserve in Afghanistan, he realized one day he was hoping to be killed so his wife could collect the $500,000 insurance policy and support their child:
“It dawned on me that day in 2010. I was a piece of [excrement], and there was no excuse for what I was doing. Wanting to die on the battlefield so I could have my cake and eat it too, be called a hero while escaping the task of being a real dad, was lower than low.”
That's when he finally made the choice to take on the magnificent calling of fatherhood and husbandhood and put it at the center of his life.

To break the cycle, finally.

Men do this only when they know they are necessary and important, and cannot be replaced in their children's life.


Anonymous said...

He thought it was awesome being gay in the mid-1980s? Did he seriously say that with a straight (har) face?

Jim Hlavac said...

So, he had personal problems of some kind -- and now he's miffed at several million men who he doesn't know - and will fabricate any story he wishes like a bad novelist. Got it.

Oddly, I have a weird one time relationship with the man -- I wrote an article for a Right Wing website, American Thinker -- and nearly 500 comments were quite, well, amazing -- and then this man wrote a defense of me -- which I didn't need or want or ask for -- on the same site the same day -- which elicited another 350 comments -- it's quite a data dump of the hetero mind as directed at a gay guy ... His defense was just as warbling as this stuff he writes. He seemed to think I was joining the 'ex-gays' crowd or something -- and well, heaven's no.

RainbowPhoenix said...

It sounds like he's just a self-centered hedonist. There's no shortage of opposite-sex couples that couldn't prevent their children from turning out like that.

Matthew Martin said...

So Lopez's argument is "I was a terrible alcoholic, therefore all gay people are terrible alcoholics." I think everyone should be required to study epidemiology. Turns out that there is a pattern: disease and drug abuse aren't just elevated in the LGBT community, but rather the prevalence of these things in the LGBT community is extraordinary similar to their prevalence in racial minorities and even in poor white communities. That implies that discrimination is the primary cause of these epidemics. There are a number of ways discrimination causes epidemics. For one, it leads to lower jobs prospects, and we know that income is strongly correlated with health and healthy behaviors. It also leads to lower educational prospects--minorities have a harder time getting into good schools--and we know that education has a huge impact on health and health behaviors above and beyond its impact on income. Discrimination also reduces self esteem and directly harms mental health, leading to riskier health behaviors like drug abuse. Moreover, when discrimination leads to the rise of ghettos, concentrating an already high-risk group into a small geographic area and isolated social network, the rate of transmission of disease increases.

Point is, all these harms he names are a direct consequence of homophobia, not homosexuality.

Also worth noting that the gayest man I know of, Davey Wavey, doesn't drink at all!