Thursday, December 20, 2012

'Anonymous' gay man upset at 'It Gets Better' campaign

Unfortunately, when you are a member of a targeted minority, it is difficult to talk about problems affecting your community without the haters swooping to exploit the discussion.

Case in point, our friend "Porno" Pete LaBarbera is practically dancing in the streets over this video by an angry gay man over getting older:

On one hand, he sounds like a bitter man who has a personal problem with the "It Gets Better" project.  On the other, he raises valid points - albeit in an unfairly extreme fashion - which I am sure many of us have raised.

Of course on the other hand, a small part of me questions if this mysteriously anonymous individual is real. I guess it's too much Columbo, but the way he likes to cite statistics is bizarrely similar to how religious right spokespeople cite statistics.

But let's operate from the stand point that he is on the up-and-up.

Every community has their problems. Things aren't exactly easy for folks in the Black community. We have inner community issues that we have to discuss and deal with. For example, I always felt that there has been never enough discussion regarding depression in the black community, nor gay issues in general.There seems to be a fear of  being vocal about what troubles us about each other as African-Americans for fear that we are putting our business out in the street and "whitey" may use it against us. That's a problem that goes way back and is rooted in some form of reality.

And don't even get me started on the light-skinned vs. dark-skinned issue which has been a huge problem in the black community from day one.

My main point is not to discuss this man's issues, but to say that life is not supposed to be easy and no community is a Utopia. Every community - be it black, gay, Latino, female, etc. -  has its problems.

And there are two things people should remember:

1. There is nothing wrong with discussing these issues, but in a proper way. You do not tear down good things built up in the community, such as the "It Gets Better" project, simply because your issues aren't getting enough attention. Why not create a positive way to generate a discussion. The gay community has problems with trust issues and other issues involving our physical and mental health. However, the homophobia we have had to deal with put us in this state. We shouldn't be turning on each other.

2. Don't be so general about problems in the gay community.  While it has been my experience that some segments of the gay community may be as shallow as this man as called them, a vast majority are NOT like that. We certainly wish we could all join hands and sing in fellowship, but it ain't going to happen.  But that's life. 

In the long run, nothing is  And not everyone is going to be your friend, whether you are gay or not. But remember, it's your life and you are responsible for your own choices. Don't blame others for whatever problems you have and don't allow their ignorance to define you, whether that person be gay or heterosexual.


Lori Makes Quilts said...

This sounds amazingly like women talking about finding a date/partner/husband after 30. Welcome to the world hon. Men, of all orientations, have been living in a culture where youth and appearance are held in much higher regard than any other characteristics a person might have. None of his statements are particularly shocking to me and I expect they aren't to many women.

Truth be told I'd say he's missing the common denominator in all his social issues -- him, not the rest of the world.

Anonymous said...

From what I can see, this guy is not so much trying to 'tear down' the It gets better project, just highlight how short sighted it's goals appear to be.
The elitism of the gay community has always been the greatest threat to the community and in some areas absolutely nothing has been done about it. These are the sort of people that believe Bisexuality is fence sitting and transexuals do not belong under the queer family tree. Their flag is blue, not rainbow.
Perhaps he could have spent the energy he put into research into improving the mindset of his peers instead, but perhaps he just needed encouragement.. to help things 'get better'.

Hank Drake said...

I'm 45. Despite the clicks and pops that accompany the first 30 minutes after I wake up (really, I snap, crackle & pop so much I could be a human Rice Krispie), I'm enjoying most of what goes along with getting older: learning from one's mistakes, stopping to enjoy the view, appreciating the small things in life - like the autumn leaves.

I'm sorry for this guy - or at least his bitterness. Sure, I understand where he's coming from with regard to certain aspects of certain members of the gay community. I've outgrown the need to bars and chatrooms, Madonna or Lady Gaga. But there's life beyond those narrow parameters. And in my opinion, any tool to make coming out easier for young people is valuable; from It Gets Better videos to Gay-Straight Alliances.

If you have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to, you're better off than most people - gay or straight.

Rick L. said...

I too feel sorry for this guy. I'm 54, single with no prospects, but happy. Perhaps someone could let this person in on the secret of joy - its always a choice. I could bemoan the fact that I missed being a modern family 'by that much'. But I just feel so grateful that young people today have more and better sources of support and opportunity (including your blogging Black Tsunami).

mikenola said...

I cant believe this is anything but propaganda from the religious right to justify their hate

John Normile said...

Maybe he should look in the mirror and stop blaming the whole Gay community. Perhaps he's just an ASSHOLE.

Anonymous said...

After watching the entire video, I have to say that I wouldn't want to be around this person ever. I am far from straight acting, getting older every day, not even on a hotness scale, but I like myself and march to my own drum. If anyone else wants to come along, they are more than welcome, if not, I am a soloist and perfectly content to be dancing by myself.

You and only you are responsible for your own happiness. The whole point of It Gets Better is that you get to make your own life, however you want.